This article was originally published on PhiladelphiaMFT.com. Be sure to check out their site for professional relationship and sex advice.
Often I encourage people to move forward in all aspects of their lives, even when past relationships with family, friends, and lovers keep coming back to us. If you have someone from your past wanting to re-enter your life, here are three points to keep in mind when deciding to rekindle the relationship.
1. How did it end the first time?
It’s important to take time to look at how a relationship ended when people from your past pop up. Did the two of you just grow apart or was it a disastrous end that took you months to get over? How your relationship ended can help you determine whether or not it’s worth it to bring that relationship back into your life. Poor circumstances, difficult life events, and timing can negatively impact relationships causing a breakdown. Step back and ask yourself if these factors caused your relationships to fall apart. If those circumstances have changed it could cause you both to have a better relationship.
2. Have either of you changed?
In addition to how your relationship ended, evaluate if either of you have grown past what caused the breakdown in the relationship. If the breakdown was centered around ego, pride or immaturity and both of you have since grown in those areas; it’s quite possible that a successful relationship can be developed from reuniting.
3. What would you gain from rekindling?
Would accepting someone who is not in your life anymore make your life better or just cause heartache? Sometimes it’s better to not allow someone in your life who causes you stress and hardship. However, if you know that your life will be better with the relationship rekindled, give it a go and understand what you have to do to make it healthy for the both of you.
Life is cyclical and so are relationships. Make informed decisions about who to let back into your life when your past comes knocking. Contact Philadelphia MFT if you’re thinking or in the process of repairing a previous relationship and have any questions.