This article was originally published on PhiladelphiaMFT.com. Be sure to check out their site for professional relationship and sex advice.
Almost everyone has been in a spot where they get down on themselves. Whether it’s the thought of missed opportunities or the pressure to do more, people drive themselves insane with their self-deprecating obsession. People become their biggest critic and also their biggest obstacle. If you can identify, here are three tips to help you begin to get out of your own way:
1. Stop Comparing. The rise of social media has made staying connected easier than it ever has been. It has also helped everyone unleash their inner critic. People sometimes look at other’s lives and judge if they don’t feel as happy, wealthy, or adventurous as someone else presents. You forget that you are normally only seeing a glimpse of other’s reality or even a fabrication. A pattern of comparing and being self deprecating develops and this pattern transcends the internet. You have to recognize that everyone has a different path and a different struggle. Once you accept that you’re on a unique journey, it becomes easier to understand why comparing yourself to others is unfair and ultimately damaging. Keep in mind that your journey is not complete and that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be within it.
2.Stay in the Present. It is easy to dwell on mistakes made in the past or future desire. People spend a lot of time thinking about these things but often neglect what’s presently going on around them. In order to ensure a great future absent of the mistakes you’ve made in the past, you have to put the proper energy into your present endeavors. Remember your past so that you can use the lessons learned but do not obsess over it. Create a blueprint of the future you’d like for yourself but do not neglect the work that needs to be done now. Focus on the things you can control instead of dwelling on the things that are out of your hands. Remember that the present offers great experiences. Stay in the moment.
3. Learn to Handle Negativity. It is impossible to avoid negative experiences. Unpleasant occurrences are a part of life.People spend the majority of their time trying to run from negativity instead of focusing on how to deal with it when it comes their way. If you don’t learn how to handle negativity, you are going to get lost in it. You were probably taught to avoid negative situations and this isn’t bad advice, just incomplete. Yes, you do not want to seek out unfavorable experiences but when they come your way you want to be able to push through them, not succumb.
Malyka Cardwell is a Couple and Family Therapist based in the Philadelphia. Malyka graduated with a BS in Psychology and a minor in English from Old Dominion University. She then went on to study at Thomas Jefferson University’s Couple and Family Therapy program with a specialization in Sex Therapy. To contact her for professional help email her here: MCardwell@PhiladelphiaMFT.com