Photo by Abigail Keenan

Crushing While Committed? 4 Ways to Handle It

Written by Malyka Cardwell

Originally Published on

Find yourself crushing on a coworker? How about the barista at the local coffee shop you visit every morning? Do you find this person invading the majority of your thoughts? If you’re alive, it is likely that you’ve had a crush at some point in your life. Crushing doesn’t stop once you get into a relationship, even if you’d like it to. Instead of feeling guilty about your newest infatuation, focus your energy into making sure your crush stays harmless. Here are some tips to help you.

1. Normalize. Crushes are natural. Just about everyone experiences them. Noticing and admiring someone else outside of your relationship doesn’t make you a terrible person, it makes you human. It’s common to feel guilty about being attracted to someone else, but you shouldn’t.

2. Fantasy vs Reality. Know the difference between the two. Your thoughts are harmless. Your actions are not. Constantly fantasizing about your crush is different than constantly setting up interactions with this person. You cannot control how much you think about your crush but you can control how you interact with them.

3. Boundaries. Crossing the line looks different for everyone so it’s up to you to figure out what it looks like for your relationship. Once you establish what your line is, stay far away from it. Boundaries decrease your chances of ending up in a situation that could compromise your relationship.

4. Honesty. Be upfront with yourself. Your crush likely doesn’t mean anything but it does give you the opportunity to check in on yourself and your relationship. How are you feeling about things? If your relationship is lacking something now is the time to discuss it. Sometimes we crush on the qualities we desire from our partner. Have a conversation with your significant other about how you’re feeling. It isn’t necessary to disclose the crush, but it is important to share the feelings that arise from it.

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