Breaking up is hard to do. Figuring out when the relationship has expired can be even harder. We live in a time where quantity is often praised over quality so it can be hard to realize when your relationship has met its ceiling. One of the worst things to come to grips with post break up is how much time and energy was wasted in a futile situation. Here a few points to think about if you are confused on whether you should end your relationship or not:
1. Evaluate all factors.
Weigh out the good and the bad. If there are things you cannot deal with try and see if the benefits of the positive outweigh the disadvantages of the negative. If they do not, then it is time to start considering breaking away from your relationship. Recognize that you can have many things in common and still not be a romantic fit.
2. Are you staying in it for yourself or another person?
Are you in it to spare your partners feelings? Are there children involved? Do your friends and family look up to you as a couple? Staying in a relationship for other people is difficult because other people do not have to live with the void being unhappy in a relationship creates. If you are only motivated to stay in a relationship because it benefits someone else, it is time to make a decision that benefits you.
3. Is there any talk of the future?
Do you know where your relationship is heading? Are talks about the future constantly avoided? If you have invested time in a relationship and still have no clue where you stand, the odds that it is time to leave are very high. Do you both still want the same thing? Sometimes perspectives change as relationships progress. Maybe your desires do not match anymore. It’s important to recognize where you both stand before investing more time.
4. Are you constantly arguing?
Arguing is inevitable and no couple is immune. It is only a major issue in relationships when it is constant. Are you spending the majority of your time together bickering? Does every conversation lead to an argument? You should be able to communicate without the conversation transforming into a battle.
It is important to consider if your relationship problems can be worked through and if you have the desire to even attempt to do so. Ending a relationship is difficult so whatever your decision is, the therapists of Philadelphia MFT are here to help you navigate through all of the confusing feelings.
Malyka Cardwell is a Couple and Family Therapist based in the Philadelphia. Malyka graduated with a BS in Psychology and a minor in English from Old Dominion University. She then went on to study at Thomas Jefferson University’s Couple and Family Therapy program with a specialization in Sex Therapy. To contact her for professional help email her here: MCardwell@PhiladelphiaMFT.com.