4 Ways to Thrive After Your Divorce


This sponsored guest post is written by Jenna Hilton.

Going through a divorce is a difficult time for many people, one that is fraught with emotions. There’s nothing that can be done to change the fact that, even when amicable, a divorce can cause a great deal of stress and difficulty within the affected family. Those who go through divorce proceedings later in life, after their own children have grown into adults, often find things easier for a number of reasons.

For example, when younger mothers divorce, they still have the responsibilities of being a parent to tend to. Many divorced parents are able to split the duties of looking after the kids perfectly well, while others struggle. However, divorce can be the start of other life paths and may also be considered an opportunity.

With the right attitude, it’s possible to thrive in the aftermath of a divorce. The deciding factor will always be your commitment to the endeavor. Here are some top tips for making the most of life following divorce. Embrace the opportunity for change, and you might just fall head-over-heels into a whole new way of living.

1. Define Your Awesomeness.

We all have our own awesome qualities; there are very few people on this planet with no talents or discernible skills. The difficulty lies in identifying these skills in ourselves. Many of us have had job interviews where the interviewer has put us on the spot and asked us to identify a number of our most valuable skills. When put on the spot, this can be difficult. But if you take some time to think about it, you will often come to realize that you in fact have many skills.

Over the course of your marriage, it is likely that you will have developed a number of routines to get you through each day. These routines tend to breed inertia. The more we get used to simply doing the same things every day, the harder it becomes to break those habits. As a result of doing the same things all the time, you will only end up utilizing a small subset of the total skills you have.

Define the things you enjoy. Work out what your aspirations are. And, most importantly, be clear with yourself about how you can achieve your goals, as unlikely as they may seem. You can’t succeed if you don’t try!

2. Ensure Your Affairs are in Order.

In order to be able to completely cut the chains of your old life and begin something new, you will need to ensure that the legal separation you secure is a binding and lasting one. Make sure that you choose a reputable local law firm, preferably an experienced family law firm like Crossroads Law, that has handled many divorce cases before.  There is no substitute for first-hand experience in the courtroom. But a good divorce lawyer can help you get everything solved without having to spend a day in court. Crossroads Law is also a wise choice for anyone who is looking to represent themselves in court, as they provide legal coaching as an alternate service if you’re looking to cut down costs.


3. Self Improvement Doesn’t Need Lots of Time.

We often think of self improvement as involving a lot of work over a long period of time. Obviously there are advantages to being able to maintain this approach, but we all have the potential to improve ourselves, physically and emotionally, if we are willing to dedicate even a small amount of time to the pursuit.

In the immediate aftermath of a divorce, it is common to feel depressed and unhappy. Many recent divorcees lose a good deal of their self confidence. It is worth remembering that it only takes a relatively small amount of time each day to pay ourselves a compliment and to give ourselves plenty to be feeling good about. If you don’t work on making sure that you know your own value, you won’t give off the vibes of confidence that come with a sense of self-worth.

4. Leave the Past in the Past.

There is an ancient Chinese proverb which states that holding onto negative emotions is like holding on to a hot coal so that you may someday throw it at your enemies. Holding onto negative emotions about the past solves nothing and only does you harm. Of course we should learn from past events, and we should appreciate the role that emotion has in telling us how other people have reacted to our behavior, but dwelling on the past and allowing negative emotions to resurface helps no one.

You should learn lessons from the past, then use them to focus your learning and development in the future. That isn’t to say that learning to forget about major events and the impact that they have on you is easy; it is often a very difficult process. But with the right attitude, even the most regrettable mistakes in your past can become sources of learning and progress, not beacons burning with an eternal flame of negativity.

Going through a divorce can be very disheartening. However, it can also be an opportunity for you to learn and develop in ways that you otherwise wouldn’t have. If you are scared about your post-married life, take a deep breath, and instead imagine where you want to be in ten years. Now go get there!


Photo by Logan Lambert

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