No Thank You! 5 Movies to Skip this Summer
Written by C.B. Fletcher
Man of Steel- June 14th
Christopher Nolan took a page out of his Batman Begins producing and applied to a super hero old as time Superman. Apparently the S on his chest is a symbol for hope on his planet, but we are leaning towards suck. In this Superman reboot Clark Kent (Henry Cavill) discovers that he is not from this planet and ventures on a path to discovery of who he is. Then he must quickly emerge as a hero to save the world from annihilation, despite the world’s opposition to his kind…much like Batman Begins/The Dark Knight. Of course there is the love story and conflict with the DC Comic’s legendary lady Lois Lane (Amy Adams) and a host of critically acclaimed actors: Diane Lane, Kevin Costner, Laurence Fishburne, Russell Crowe, and Michael Shannon. If you are a ‘super’ Superman fan then you will go see this Batman copy-cat reboot anyway, but if you don’t want to waste the money just watch the latest Batman series and picture Superman.
White House Down- June 28th
This is a complete waste of talent, good looks, and pyrotechnics with this Jamie Foxx and Channing Tatum match up copycat of the very recent Olympus Has Fallen. Just like its preceding action thriller, the President has been attacked by a paramilitary group except this time US Capitol Police/Secret Service reject John Cale (Channing Tatum) must save his daughter Emily (Joey King) and the President (Jamie Foxx) while the United States government erupts in chaotic destruction. Basically if you saw this story when it came out in March there is no reason to see it again in June, unless you just want some eye candy.
The Lone Ranger- July 3rd
Johnny Depp as a pirate, vampire, or some other delusional Tim Burton character fits, but not so convincing as Native American spirit warrior Tanto in Disney’s The Lone Ranger. The story itself is a great adaptation of the old television series that is told through the eyes of Tanto about how he befriends former man of the law John Reid (Armie Hammer) as they team up to fight against greed and corruption. However when watching this film it is going to be hard not to see fan favorite Jack Sparrow through the sloppy make-up that is supposed to portray him as Native American. It may be a good ‘replacement’ movie if one of the other blockbusters is sold out, but in all honesty this movie will probably be a bust.
Grown Ups 2- July 12th
We all love Adam Sandler’s comedic concoctions, but this one is trying too hard. In this follow up film to the 2010 reunion of Lenny (Adam Sandler), Kurt (Chris Rock), Marcus (David Spade), and Eric (Kevin James), Lenny has moved his Hollywood family back to his old small town where they are confronted by old and new bullies, schizo bus drivers, and crazy costumed party crashers. In other words they wanted to make a sequel, didn’t know how to do it so they threw everything they had in to it and viola Grown Ups 2. The only thing we plan on laughing at is how bad the ticket sales are, but stay tuned worse films have prospered.
Kick Ass 2 –August 16th
You will probably feel like you got kicked in the ass after spending money on this. The first Kick Ass was amusing because of the premise of a teenage boy with no super powers that just wanted to make a difference and forms a bootleg hero team, but we don’t need to see this again. The sequel tries to add some flavor to this not so super hero movie with comedy legend Jim Carey as the new hero Colonel Stars and Stripes. Kick Ass (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is still being hunted down with a vicious vendetta by Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), now reborn as The Mother F*****. This should be good for a laugh at an AMC Fork & Screen after the third or fourth drink. Other than that please divert your attention to real super hero movies.